UL-Monroe 21, Alabama 14

Another astonishing first-year embarrassment for The Douche. Back in 2000, I witnessed first hand the depantsing of LSU by the University of Alabama-Birmingham in Tiger Stadium. I remember disgusted fans calling into the postgame radio show immediately afterward and not-so-politely suggesting that Saban was hardly qualified to coach at the high school level. One week later, the Tigers knocked off a Tennessee team that was supposed to commit murder and not leave behind a corpse. So don’t count the little guy out, ‘Bama fans. But still…HA!

Soon to be joining the pantheon of former LSU coaches is Les Miles, who has an interesting seven weeks ahead of him now that Lloyd Carr has retired. I keep hearing these murmurs about Carr not wanting to be succeeded by Miles. Does a guy who’s lost six of his last seven against Ohio State even have a say in the matter? And while I’m on the subject, is it really more important to fans of Big Blue to have a winning record against the Buckeyes than to win national titles? Yes? Oh, okay then.

Peter Finney suggests two high-profile SEC candidates for the LSU job. One has gone undefeated and likely would have won a national championship with his 2004 team in any other year. The other evidently will be fired even if he knocks the Tigers out of contention for the BCS title on Friday. My view is that Skip Bertman should sit down with Bo Pelini and figure out what can be done to keep him in Baton Rouge for the long haul - but only if we can’t outbid Texas A&M for Tommy Tuberville. Don’t worry about the bad blood between Tuberville and Tiger Nation – you can be sure that there will be much kissing and making up if he takes the job. He isn’t even the most hated coach in our division anymore.

In NFL news, the Saints suck again and the Patriots are an alien team from the planet Xandor. They’d probably hang 56 on the ’72 Dolphins if that were possible. I guess it is, technically, though I wonder what amount of money it would take to get Nick Buoniconti and co. to suit up and chase Tom Brady and Randy Moss around for a few hours.

Buckeyes blow it

Looks like we may finally get that epic LSU-Oregon matchup we've been waiting to see all these years. Get your shotgun shells, Tiger fans, we goin' duck huntin'.

The black John Wayne?

Another view of Obama's so-called timidity.

More Mr. Nice Guy

While it does confirm and solidify my respect and support for Obama, this interview in the Washington Post kind of strikes me as an unintentional resignation of sorts. However unfair we may think the attacks on his timidity, negativity is really what he needs to slay the hydra that is Hillary, if that objective is in any way realistic at this juncture. I mean, if he’s not willing to go medieval on her, how’s he going to measure up against Mayor Nosferatu?

Those of us who are familiar with Louisiana politics and are looking for a silver lining may recall the Blanco-Jindal gubernatorial race of ’03. Many observers felt Jindal shot himself in the foot by refusing to go negative (although probably more attributed his defeat to racism, especially in the rural areas.) All it took was one lackluster Blanco term - and, to be exact, one of the most destructive natural disasters in American history - for Louisianans to change their minds about Jindal. He stayed true to himself, and all it got him was the state’s highest office, only after KatRita instead of before.

If Clinton gets knocked off in an uncommonly vicious general election (and we know how much Rudy likes a good fight), Democrats may very well seek someone with unassailable character and real, unrehearsed integrity in ’12. Assuming that Obama doesn’t get caught with a hooker or something.

Then again, provided that she isn’t the victim of political (or actual) murder next year, it’s easy to see the Dems playing it safe and allowing her to challenge a President Giuliani who will almost certainly have pissed off whoever in the world already isn’t by 2011.

They’ve played it safe before. John Kerry wasn’t the favorite going into Iowa, but it’s not hard to imagine what kind of reservations among voters propelled him to victory over pre-scream Dean. And let’s face it - Kerry did come relatively close to bringing down Bush. Hillary is that safe candidate, but with a hell of a lot more firepower. This is not an endorsement by any means, but we are electing a war president here.

That WaPo interview couldn’t have come at a worse time…Andrew Sullivan’s big Atlantic Monthly piece about why we should all get on the Obama train just went online a few days ago and is getting into mailboxes as we speak. Consarnit!

Not dead yet

Looks like the stroke I had over that horrendous start was premature. Mercifully, the line play has improved. You can see it in the way Brees has caught fire and in the fact that Bush has managed 4.6 yards per carry in the four victories. And the resurgence of Marques Colston was long overdue. The remaining schedule looks a lot more manageable with Chicago and Philadelphia looking like disappointments, but you have to be wary of teams like 0-8 St. Louis, who will no doubt sneak up on someone, at some point.

As far as winning the division goes, Tampa Bay plays absolutely no one other than our boys, Dec. 2. I can’t see Carolina making the playoffs with the three-headed quarterbacking monster of Vinny, Carr and that Matt Moore dude. And I threw Atlanta out of the running a long, long time ago.

In other news, the Patriots will lose when you least expect it. Or at the Giants. Or maybe not for another year.

A star is born

They’re already putting Adrian Peterson up there with Jim Brown, Sweetness, Emmitt, et. al. That’s what you get for breaking the damn single-game rushing record four years after getting your high school diploma. Has Kenny Mayne begun writing a humorous segment about the other Adrian Peterson, the one who plays for the Bears?

Darkness in the White House

“I just don’t think America’s ready for a black president.”

This country’s had two secretaries of state in the post-9/11 period. The current one is perhaps the closest adviser to the leader of the free world. Her predecessor is arguably more qualified to sit in the Oval Office than any of the current candidates on either side. What do they have in common, besides having held the office of the nation’s top foreign diplomat during the War on Diplomacy…I mean the War on Terror?

Sure, the black president may raise your taxes, but it ain’t like he’s going to do it with a switchblade to your throat. There will be no dice games on the steps of the U.N. with the presidents of Syria and Iran. Here’s my question…is America ready to be run by a power-mad, egomaniacal lawyer from New York with questionable ethics? The way things are going right now, we may not have a choice.

While we’re on the subject of candidates…what is it about sexagenarian politicians who look like basset hounds and/or chipmunks that the honeys just can’t resist?