Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The case for Obama

I won’t pretend to have this well-considered and reasonable justification for supporting the junior Illinois senator for the Democratic nomination. I really just want to vote for a black liberal. Particularly one of exotic origin who has a cool name. To vote for such a creature would make me feel very hip and very progressive. And I need to feel that way because I am still young and have yet to become a family man or obtain the resources necessary to own a home in a middle-class neighborhood.

This is all cute and funny until you realize that I’m not being sarcastic. This is really how I think.

Okay, I do have a few good reasons for favoring the biracial wunderkind. I think he’d put a friendlier face on America where foreign policy is concerned. That’s kind of important. It also helps that he isn’t Hillary, Rudy, Mitt or that guy from Law & Order. I can’t see any one of those nincompoops changing America for the better. Giuliani would torture all Muslims and ferrets. Romney would immediately start sending potentially dangerous dogs to a newly expanded Gitmo detention facility. Fred Thompson would leave office to take a starring role in a new sitcom as Ray Romano’s lovable-but-Italian-hating next-door neighbor. Clinton would let her husband turn the White House into Bunnyranch East.

Obama wouldn’t do any of those things. He’d probably get Kim Jong-Il, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Muqtada Al-Sadr into a circle for an African tribal singalong, followed by anti-nuclear-proliferation and renunciation-of-terrorism pacts signed in ape’s blood.

Oh yeah…and his voice sounds just like The Rock’s.

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